The Perpetual Tourist

The Mall of America really is a tourist trap in a very literal sense. When I was a tourist in Minnesota’s Twin Cities last year, I had absolutely no interest in visiting such a monument to consumerism as this, but my friend, a local, insisted that I had to see the MOA. And once I was inside, I’m ashamed to say, I never wanted to leave. (And I knew that would happen!)

Think of any product you’ve ever heard of. Make it as obscure as you want. They don’t just sell it at the Mall of America; it’ll have a whole store devoted to just that one obscure product. You may wonder how such a store could make enough money to pay the rent, but if you ever go inside the MOA, you’ll understand. There’s more traffic in there than in the Holland Tunnel at rush hour.

You would have to have will power stronger than that of the Buddha to get out of the MOA without spending any money. It will have stores that carry that thing you’ve just been dying to have, even if you didn’t know you were dying to have it. Go ahead and treat yourself — they don’t charge sales tax in Minnesota.

And it’s not just the stores that will draw you in. When I was younger, I heard tales of the indoor roller coaster at the Mall of America, but that’s just the start. There’s a whole amusement park in there, with several coasters and other rides. Of course there are movie theaters and restaurants (some quite a bit fancier than you find in most malls), a LEGO universe, and according to the website, lots more attractions that I don’t even remember seeing (the mall is far too vast to catch everything in one trip) like an aquarium, mini golf, and a flight simulator. (Holy crap! I need to go back…)

I’m really not a big fan of the whole mall scene, and the guy who took me to the MOA definitely isn’t a mallrat (a film, which, incidentally, was shot at another mall in Minnesota just a few miles away from the MOA), yet I really could’ve enjoyed myself probably for several days before getting bored there. Is the MOA alone worth a trip to Bloomington? If it’s within driving distance, sure! If you’d have to fly, you may want to line up some other activities besides hanging out at the mall for your trip, but there is a lot to do in and around the Twin Cities, so I say go for it. Just set a spending limit and try to stick to it — it won’t be easy.