Like I do most days at work, I was fooling around on the internet.  Long story short, I ended up on the Etsy site.  If you’ve never seen it before, you should go - right after you finish reading this post.  It’s essentially on online marketplace for tons of great homemade goodies.  Also some not-so-great homemade goodies.  Either because the items have zero usage or because they’re as ugly as sin.

Anyway, being the environmentally responsible citizen I pretend that I am (she types just after drinking from her plastic straw in ther Styrofoam cup), I’m looking for some reusable sandwich baggies.  I freaking hate throwing so many plastic bags away each year.  Such an incredible waste. 

So there I was happily perusing the search results from my “reusable” search term when I suddenly stumbled on these:

Can you tell what it is?  Let me give you a hint.  Here’s the description: ”Nice to Your Ladybits and to Mother Nature’s!”

I just threw up, again.

People, these are reusable menstrual pads.  That means, that you bleed all over them and then you wash them and then you use them again.  Just threw up some more.  That is gross!  Look, I’m all for not generating a ton of waste (which is why I use tampons that are biodegradable) but THIS is just too far!

There are 2 major problems with this:

1. Menstrual pads are gross as sin.  You’re basically sitting in your own blood and they stick to you and then they wad up and you leak and I still have terrible nightmares from when I first got my period and had to use pads and would wake up soaked in my own blood and the thought is making me sick and probably you sick too and we should just stop here.
2. If you look closely at the image, you’ll see that there are little pictures of sugar bowls and other baking implements.  This print is all wrong!  And don’t even get me started on the one that has camo print.

Okay, maybe I’m being too judgemental here.  Maybe I should join the green revolution and just buy some and start wearing them (yuck) to save the planet. 

No.  Can’t do it.

But if you choose to do it, by all means.  I’ll be honest with you here, this seller is actually a genius.  There are people that take “going green” to a whole different level who would love to use these.  If you’re one of them, here’s to you for loving the planet way more than I do.

You can imagine my surprise when I drove in at 8:00 on a weekday night and saw this:

Notice how the douche bag driver chose to take up, not one, not two, but THREEentire parking spots.  Really?  I mean, really?  Is that necessary?  The parking lot had one other car all the way on the opposite side.  For the love.   You know the real reason people do this?  They have small penises.  It’s true.  This is their way to prove that their all manly.  But instead of the message being, “Hey!  Look at me!  I’m so cool with my fancy car,” it comes out as, “Hey!  Look at me!  I’m desperate for attention and I’m an inconsiderate prick with a small wiener and my mom didn’t hold me enough as a kid.  Come and key my car!!”

I swear to god everytime I see some jack ass park like this I get such a strong desire to do one of two things:

1. Park so close to the car that the driver can’t get into the car unless he/she goes through the passenger side, or
2. Key “You are a total tool” into the hood of the car.

To date, I’ve managed to avoid doing these things.  This guy got really lucky because I didn’t want to go and have to confess it to my therapist.  I have enough going on as it is and don’t have time to waste talking about my anger towards jack holes that think that their car is so f’ing cool that they have to take as many cars as they want to. 

In thinking it over, I’ve come to realize that there are 3 things that would make my world perfect. 

1. The act of getting into my bed at 5:00 PM (M-F) to play on the computer and watch reruns of Law & Order SVU would make me thin.  It’s amazing that these 20+ hours per week of laying around in my pj’s only seems to make me fatter.  Can’t someone just create that magic diet/fitness pill that I need?  I don’t want to be bothered with actually having to go to the gym to work out.  Why can’t typing on a keyboard, lifting the remote control 16 times, and drinking 2 cans of Cherry Coke Zero be enough to help me lose those stubborn 30 pounds?
2. My “work” would get done without me actually having to do it.  Look, I don’t have time to do my work when I’m at work.  I’ve got other important things to do.  Thinks like: write blog posts, check facebook, check twitter, read other people’s posts, check facebook again, read the news, and response to comments.  What stinks is that I don’t get paid to do that, instead I get paid to work on some lame project that no one will remember 6 months ago. 
3. Prince Charming would come knocking on my door.  I read something the other day that made a lot of sense.  It was a long of the lines of how we don’t wait for our dream jobs to come to us, we have to go and find them, and how looking for Mr. Right was the same.  F that.  In a perfect world, I’d go home to find Prince Charming standing there with a dozen red roses, a white stallion, and wearing pants that weren’t 2 inches too short.

Just 3 little things, it’s not like I’m asking for the world.  I’m not asking the end of Communism, or for Celine Dion never to tour again.  Come on, World!  Work with me here!

You know what I just realized?  I might be one of the laziest people on the planet.  Can I get an award for that do you think?

Let me know if you want to be included and I would be both delighted and enchanted to add you to the fabulous and wonderful blogroll.  You can post a comment, or send me an email at catherinette.singleton@gmail.com.

On your mark, get set, go!

Click here to view the embedded video.

I nearly peed myself when I saw it-all of the 6 times that I watched it.  I literally had tears streaming down my face.

Here’s the big question: who the hell comes up with an idea like this??  They clearly had to sit down, script it out, and then film it.  But why??  Know what’s even crazier?  There’s an entire website devoted to additional “plays” just like this one.  Lucky for you, I’m including the link for your viewing pleasure.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to look for other wierd videos…

Perhaps this has something to do with the fact that I have to take phone calls from 9-1.  Let me clue you in on something, the reason I left the phones in the first place is because I would have rather slid down a banister full of razor blades straight into a giant vat of lemon juice.  In other words, me no likey.

Don’t believe me?  Then read this little gem I wrote on Friday night.

Nice, huh?  Yeah, I’m speaking from experience here:

drinking + blogging = bad idea jeans

Just put down the beer and step away from the computer.  Trust me, it’s in everyone’s own best interest.  Let my horrifying post be a valuable lesson.  Learn from my mistakes.

*This public service announcement is brought to you by Catherinette Singleton: making the world a better place by mocking those lacking in good manners, good looks, and fashion sense.

I got home at about 11:00 last night.  Would love to tell you that it was from a date with a successful businessman who owns a sailboat, but that would be an outright lie.  Instead, I was at Lola’s house.  We had a perfectly delightful time making vision boards (more on that next week), inhaling pizza, and watching James McAvoy in “Wanted”. 

As I do on most nights, I turned on the TV as I got ready for bed.  How delighted was I when “Dude Where’s My Car” started.  I sat through the entire thing.  Why?  Because I’m part idiot, on my dad’s side. 

Please to enjoy the most hilarious part from the movie.

Click here to view the embedded video.

Who went out there last night and made some bad decisions that ended up turning into the cocktail flu this morning?

Nothing like waking up in the New Year with a blinding headache that makes you wish someone would put you out of your god forsaken misery.  Know what’s fun?  My sister called me last night at 12:30 to wish me a Happy New Year and informed that she was on her 3rd gin and tonic.  This is in addition to the 3 glasses of champagne she had consumed eariler.  Now, that might not seem a lot to some people, but let me remind you of this: since my sister had Lucy(fer) 2 years ago, she doesn’t drink.

Damien and Lucy(fer) both enjoy getting up at 6:00 am.  Pretty sure that my sister is on the verge of throwing herself down the nearest flight of steps so she can have some peace and quiet at the hospital.

Meanwhile, I was nowhere near boozy Suzy last night.  Lola, Muffy, and I had a delightful dinner, and then dragged our asses to the movies.  Lola took off to go party it up at Mr. Dirty Ruddy Sailor’s house, Muffy and I stayed for another movie.  Being the genius that I am, I had smuggled in champagne so we could do a midnight toast.  It was glorious!  The best part?  No sign of the cocktail flu!

Good times, good times.

We’ve officially made it to the last day of 2008.  Thank the freaking lord.  What a crappy ass year.  Yeah, sure, there were a few highlights:

• I had hot sex with a hot boy.
• Twolia approached me and asked me to write for them.  This still surprises me.  I can’t believe that there are people out there that actually want to read my posts, much less that come looking for me to write for them.
• I got a boyfriend and we had a lot of hot sex.
• Kizmeet sought me out to write for them too.
• I had a wonderful birthday and Thanksgiving in England.

That’s pretty much it.  Now let’s look at all the nasty parts:

• There was that myspace debaucle at the beginning of the year.  The one that involved Dr. Slightly Evil, whom I had a major crush on.
• I had the pleasure of spending a week in the hospital because I almost died. 
• Then I got that wonder picc line in my arm for 2 weeks.
• The boyfriend ended up being totally needy and controlling and the relationship ended badly.
• A friend of mine died unexpectedly.
• The day I left for England I had to have an emergency root canal-which cost me over $1000.
• I got Vertigo and had the spins for days on end.
• Right after I recovered from the spins, I got a stupid flat tire and had to shell out big bucks to replace the tires on my car.
• The same day the tires were replaced, my 3 year old car FAILED the emissions test.
• I found out, via a Christmas card, that Notebook made me a cheater.

And yet I made it through.  I have some pretty low expectations for 2009, I’m not going to lie.  Let’s all hppe that there’s less drama, but a whole lot of action!!

Happy New Year, Bitches!