They look like relatively reasonable children, don’t they? Just like any other 7 year old dressed up for Halloween. Well, I’m here to tell you that they’ll go from normal to bat shit crazy in 40 seconds if you give them nasty Halloween candy.
In an effort to help the masses, I’m offering my advice on how to prevent your house from getting egged on Halloween. Do not, under any circumstances (unless you like trying to get egg off your house, wash soap off your windows, or changing a slashed tire) give out any of the following:
Candy Corn
Raisins
Pennies
Bit O’Honey
Popcorn Balls
All of the above give children free reign to terrorize you and your pets. I’m warning you, if you ignore this advice, be prepared to find your house and trees completely toilet papered. Frankly, if you pass out any of the above, you totally deserve it for being a Jack Ass O’Lantern!
Happy Halloween!
6 responses so far ↓
1 Jormengrund // Oct 31, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Amen!
Oh, and the flip side of this will get you noticed in a REAL hurry:
Full-Sized candy of any sort.
Pizza
Pop
Bubble Tape
Full-Size Licorice. (both red and black)
I once went and bought all of this for my kid’s party, but he ended up being sick. so instead of sit on all of the candy and food, we handed it out that night.
Our house was the SMASH HIT of the entire neighborhood!
Where the heck was my invite on that night? I feel robbed! -CS
2 Sarah // Oct 31, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Yeah Okay I have a few things to add:
Dont hand out:
Floss.
Pencils
Stickers
Toothbrushes
or
Homemade cookies.
Why the homemade cookies? well because everyone knows.. as soon as ape shit mom sees them: In the trash they go.
“Those crazy people poisoned those”
When i was little, we were not allowed to trick or treat at the trailor park.
Im disappointed, still. I’m also 20.
Who the heck goes trick or treating in a trailer park?? -CS
3 Mike // Oct 31, 2008 at 4:11 pm
Don’t forget apples. That’s ammunition right there.
Okay this is like the problems of being bisexual. Please pick one or the other blogwise.
How could I forget the apples??
Aw, but it keeps it spicy… -CS
4 Liz4.0 // Oct 31, 2008 at 10:43 pm
No salt water taffy!
I’m pleased to admit that no one ever tried to sneak salt water taffy into my candy! -CS
5 prefers her fantasy life // Nov 1, 2008 at 9:32 am
My kid got a pomegranate Tootsie Pop. Why is everything pomegranate these days? They must have a killer come-back marketing campaign.
That sounds pretty freaking nasty. I love pomegranates, but can’t imagine wanting it as a tootsie pop flavor. YUCK! -CS
6 Kelli // Nov 1, 2008 at 2:37 pm
We handed out full sized Hershey bars last night. I was ready with 100 bars of chocolate. We handed out 38. Where were all the kids? Now I have to eat the rest of them myself. I guess I can ask for bigger pants from Santa!
Please feel free to ship some my way, that way you won’t have to sacrifice yourself. -CS
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