The Catherinette Chronicles

They look like relatively reasonable children, don’t they?  Just like any other 7 year old dressed up for Halloween.  Well, I’m here to tell you that they’ll go from normal to bat shit crazy in 40 seconds if you give them nasty Halloween candy. 
In an effort to help the masses, I’m offering my advice on [...]

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There are times, like today, when I’m convinced that my clients live in some alternate universe where you can slow down time so you can finish projects.  I imagine that this world also has streets made of candy, and rivers of appletinis.  It must be a really splendid place to live because all my clients [...]

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Know what happens if you look up the definition of “abomination”?  You find a picture of this filth:

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When making the decision to wear white shoes, remember that under no circumstances should they be matched with dark colored stockings.  Doing so will cause people to point at you and mock you for having such terrible fashion sense.
Such a shoe-hosiery combination is only permitted if you are a stripper, hooker, or it is Halloween [...]

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There are times when even I, the tireless mocker, become a dreaded sap.  Every once in awhile, on a sappy day quite like today, I may get the urge to read a poem or two.  Kind of like when someone is feeling nauseated and they think they’ll feel better after sticking their finger down their [...]

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I received an email from 3D this afternoon. For the last few weeks he’s been grasping at straws trying to get me to pay attention to him.  I have told him, repeatedly that it wasn’t going to happen. Finally, I just stopped replying to his calls, text messages, and emails.
And then this showed up in [...]

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On Sunday night, Lola and I went to see “Nights in Rodanthe.”  After sitting through the movie, I decided to change the movie’s title to “2 Hours and $10 That You’ll Never See Again.”  Really, what an epic waste of time and hard earned money.  The movie sucked.  Dogs.  Save your time and money and [...]

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There was once a time when I cared what I put in my mouth (that’s what she said) and would pack my own lunch.  I’ve since become lazy, and about 10 pounds heavier.  My lazy ass needs to be fed, so I take advantage of the food provided by my company.  Here at Investments r [...]

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Women with cankles and fat feet should not wear ballet flats with straps. The straps will cut across your fat foot and make the rest of us want to throw up.
Then again, if it’s your life long dream to look like Miss Piggy, by all means, expose us to your fat feet. 

*This public service announcement [...]

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I realized something today.  Something so mind blowing that I’m wondering why no one has ever poitned it out to me before.  Really.  Am I the only one to have recognized this?  Or am have all the years of smelling scented markers finally caught up to me.
Let me share my recent discovery with you:
Did you [...]

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