The Catherinette Chronicles

We’ve all been watching the markets plummet over the last few days.  I live in Corporate America, and work at Investments r Us, so this is an exciting time to be here.   Rather than panic, I see this as a golden opportunity to buy.  It’s like everything out there is on super sale!!  Have you seen what [...]

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Good help can be so hard to find nowadays. Really. I’ll give you the example of my good friend, Disney. He and his wife decided to hire someone to help clean the house. Come to find out that in addition to cleaning their home, she’s also calling her family…in Mexico.
Then there’s my situation with lawn [...]

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Those were the first words out of his mouth after I had picked up the phone. Lit’l Smokey was on his way out, and he was calling me. “Um…okay. But you can’t have mine,” I told him. What, exactly, is serious vagina? Does it not laugh when you tell it funny jokes? Does it only [...]

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You know what’s so kick ass about this season’s “Heroes”?  Sure, sure, we all get to drool over the Petrelli brothers, but there’s something much cooler and fabulous.
Veronica Mars and Weevil are reunited!!  Yeah, I’m totally one of those cool kids that got sucked into the show.  And for good reason, too.  Veronica Mars is [...]

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I was just sitting there with my pants around my ankles, minding my own business. Or taking care of business, which ever you prefer. Suddenly, it happened. Just as Foxy said it would.
Ironically enough, Foxy and I had had a little conversation about the whole thing earlier in the morning.

Me: I only use the first [...]

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It’s been about 5 months since I last saw he who looks some what like a movie villain that is slightly evil.  Still, he’s on my mind from time to time.  When I wake up in the middle of the night, I often find myself looking at the clock and wondering if he’s off work [...]

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Let me paint you a little picture, and then ask you a question:
Let’s say that you’re one of those individuals that enjoys spending time and money at a tanning salon. You’re insecure, and you feel that a slightly darker shade of skin would make you more attractive to the opposite (or the same) sex. [...]

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God help all of you investors out there that are panicking about current market conditions. Thanks to you, something horrible is about to happen. Something so traumatic that it’s will take me to the bottom of a bottle, rehab, whoring myself out for money to buy more booze, more rehab, and years of therapy to [...]

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Ah, the sweet sweet joys of womanhood. There are far too many to count: we have jubblies, we can grow other human beings inside our own bodies, we can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, we can even be nominees for the Vice President of the United States. Then there’s [...]

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Off to a great god damned start to the day.
I’m quietly sitting at my desk. Minding my own damned business. “Enjoying” some yogurt for my breakfast. Somehow, I managed to completely miss my mouth (that’s what she said), and dump the spoonful of yogurt all over my sweater and my pants.
Can’t wait to have to [...]

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