The Catherinette Chronicles

As I was holding my plastic cup filled with beer, shouting over the loud music while watching a bunch of young 20-something year olds try to mate with one another something struck me: I miss the place that shall not be named.
Our first attempt at finding a new place to hang out was…interesting. We started [...]

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I can picture it sitting there in front of me, just out of reach. There are beads of sweat on the glass, and the black straw is calling to me. I can see all the herbs floating in glass, mixed in with the pulp from the freshly squeezed lime juice and topped off with some [...]

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My foot will soon be on it’s way up Little Bus’s ass. I will kill her. She will die. The jury would never convict me for this, I would get off scott freaking free.
Yesterday one of her stupid friends was in town. As a favor, I offered to sign out the Corporate passes to for [...]

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Every mother wants to celebrate Mother’s Day with two things: a restaurant that serves spoiled food AND that has bad service. Well, my dears, do I have the place for you!! Granted, Mother’s Day is over now, but you can always feel free to go for a birthday celebration, an anniversary, or any other such [...]

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We’ve all been there before. Found ourselves in one of those mortifying situations where we knew the only thing that could save us is that bolt of lightening striking us dead where we stand or the freak accident causing the tractor trailer to slam right into us. Sitting there knowing that nothing on god’s green [...]

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I was 17 when I lost my virginity. Sure he didn’t drive a conversion van and he was a high school graduate as opposed to just having his GED, but it was still a klassy time.
It was a Saturday night in May and my girlfriend, Only Dates Losers with Major Problems, and I were down [...]

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When I was little, I remember holding my friend’s hands and spinning in a cirle. We’d spin as fast as we could and then let go. The second our hands unclasped, we’d fall backwards into the grass. If one of us let go before the other was ready, there was a sense of panic. I [...]

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I may or may not be going out with Foxy, One Date Wonder, and Claude tomorrow night.
We may or may not get our boozy suzy on.
We may or may not be going to a place where one might happen to bump into someone that looks like a villain from a silent movie.
And I may or [...]

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We all tend to make assumptions about others.  Sometimes we automatically assume that a certain individual can serve as a spokesperson for his/her sex, religion, nationality, sexual orientation, etc.
Like, “Hey, he’s a guy, he can totally tell me what all men would think of this outfit.” 
Or
“Hey, she’s a girl, she can totally tell me what [...]

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Claude is dirty.  He is a filthy dirty dirty dirty dirty whore.  He is dirty.  This is one of the things that I love most about Claude.
Witness the email exchange we had today.

Me: I went to … to hit on a certain doctor that might be somewhat evil.

Claude: And how was this doctor?  Did you do [...]

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