The Catherinette Chronicles

We’ve all been there before. Found ourselves in one of those mortifying situations where we knew the only thing that could save us is that bolt of lightening striking us dead where we stand or the freak accident causing the tractor trailer to slam right into us. Sitting there knowing that nothing on god’s green earth could increase the humiliation-not even if it was aired on TV or on myspace.

People react differently. Some people shrug it off and laugh. Some people cry about it. Others try to block it out in hopes of forgetting all of it-until it all comes flying back in some freaky ass dream. Me, I’m different. I write about it.

There’s nothing like humiliation to get the blood pumping. And let’s face it, it’s cold outside so I’ll go ahead and take it. You can all imagine my horror when I stumbled upon a “subtle” myspace message that was clearly meant for me. The gist of the message was that the most recent object of my affections had a girlfriend. Oh, and that his friends seem to know about my big fat crush. Yikes.

After talking myself out of a heart attack and the nausea, I fully recovered. Okay, let’s be honest, I only semi-recovered. I still have a pretty strong desire to crawl under the nearest rock and die.

First, kudos to you for getting all the lingo right. Clearly you’re up on the whole story (which makes me want to die twice as I type this). I’m sure it’ll make for some good times with your friends. After all, it does make for a good story. Were I in your shoes, I would totally do the same. Being in mine, I’d rather hurl myself out the nearest window to end the shame.

Second, thanks for the reality check. Not only was he not interested, but he also has a girlfriend. Wow. Guess I missed that at some point. Though I could have sworn that we toasted to being single (Georgia, can you back me up on this?). And don’t I feel foolish for parading around with my big fat heart on my sleeve while you all knew it all this time and he was totally not interested. Guess I missed that because I was too busy having a crush.

Thirdly, you’re actually wrong on part of it. The excuse you thought was imaginary was actually real.

So this one goes out to you, resident from the 3200 block.

Now, if you’ll all excuse me, I shall be on my way to look for that rock that I should be crawling under. Or the nearest flight of stairs so I can throw myself down them immediately if not sooner.

Ouch.