The Catherinette Chronicles

Let me ask you a question: how reasonable is it for a 9 year old to be screaming and yelling while jumping on a trampoline at 9:00 PM on a god damned school night?  Shouldn’t she be inside watching Hannah Montana or something?  For some reason, all of the neighborhood kids end up next door on the trampoline, or splashing around in the hot tub.  Magically, they always choose the time when I’m in my room and can hear every single freaking word and shriek emanating from their mouths.  My guess is that my neighbor is would rather chain smoke her cigarettes in peace and quiet and so suggests that they all run out and play outside-right below my bedroom window.

Four and a half years ago I made the decision to buy a house in the suburbs.  “It’ll be quiet, and tranquil,” I thought-not realizing that I was moving in next door to the most inconsiderate people EVER!  Seriously, I would have been better off living above a bar downtown-at least I could have gone downstairs for some booze if it got too loud.  Instead, I find myself listening to the kids yelling, picking up empty juice boxes from my lawn, and planning different ways to firebomb the house next door.  I also find myself griping about “kids these days” and feel like an old maid.  My neighbor’s daughter is making me dislike children.  A lot.

There are a few kids down the street that are even worse.  On a nice afternoon you’ll find them playing basketball, riding a skateboard, or a dirt bikes across everyone’s lawns.  From time to time, they all seem to find themselves on my front lawn (since I’m in the middle), completely disregarding the crazy barking that is coming from my dog.  I swear to God that one day he will jump through the window and eat them all-like hoodlum snausages.