The Catherinette Chronicles

This feels like some kind of dance, and I’m not sure who’s leading.  I don’t want to step on his toes and cause him to pull away.  I want him to take my hand, to lead me and show me how to follow him.  If only it were that easy.  But how do I get him to step forward and take my hand?  What’s my role in all this?  I stepped out of my comfort zone by going to see him on Sunday-it’s something that I wouldn’t have done in the past.  Is that enough?   

It’s 10:30 on a Tuesday night.  I wonder what he’s doing right now.  Okay, so I have a general idea.  I know where he is and that he’s running his business.  But what is he doing?  Is he chatting with Cool Hand Luke?  Is he flirting with other guests?  Is he sitting at the end of the bar with a glass of red wine in his hand?  Is he thinking about me?  Has he thought about me at all over the last few days?  Has he laid in bed and imagined what things could be like between us? 

He’s not my type.  He is nothing like the kind of guy that I usually fall for.   There’s just something about him that I can’t put my finger on him.  I’m drawn to him.  I want to be around him and see him smile at me.  I like the way my body physically reacts when he looks at me.  I’m not referring to something sexual, it’s more than that-it’s different.  And I haven’t felt like this in such a long time.

 This crush of mine is driving me mad.   He makes my cheeks flush and my chest warm when I think about him.  I obsess over him and analyze every single conversation with anyone that will listen, and I can’t help but feel some ray of hope that things will turn out. 

Please let this be.  I really want this.  I want this so badly it makes me ache.