The Catherinette Chronicles

I did end up making a bad decision last night, it just wasn’t the one I was hoping it would be.  It happened early in the evening and it made strange and awkward things happen.  Georgia, One Date Wonder, and I were scheduled to meet at 7:30.  Since I suffer from the terrible “perpetually early syndrome” I arrived at 7:00 so found myself sitting at the bar by myself.  As I’ve gotten to know Cool Hand Luke and Doctor Slightly Evil (DSE), I wasn’t alone for very long.  They offered me liquor, I said I wanted water-both of them looked at me like I had 6 heads.  They handed me my water.

Next thing I know there is an older woman sitting on the stool next to me.  Mouthy Marie and her husband had already consumed a bottle of wine, she was tipsy, DSE was giving them more booze.  Long story short everyone arrived and we ended up chatting it up with Mouthy Marie.  So there we are enjoying our drinks, and wondering when she and her hubcap are going to roll out when something strange happens.  She looks at DSE, then back at me, then to him, and back to me again and asks me what’s going on.  Nothing.  That’s what’s going on.  Then One Date Wonder, Georgia, Mouthy Marie and I are in the middle of a conversation about whether it’s harmless flirting (which is what I think it is), or more (which gets their vote).  This whole entire time, she’s loud, Loud, LOUD and I’m positive DSE knew exactly what we were talking about.

The questions are flying! 

• Do you like him? He’s nice. 

• Would you make out with him?  Yeah, I would. 

• Would you sleep with him?  Yeah, I’m not sure about that. 

• Would you go out with him?  Maybe. 

So Mouthy Marie decides she’s going to do us both a “favor” and take matters into her own hands.  As she gets ready to leave, she whispers something to him and I can tell that nothing good will come of any of this.  Then she comes back over to me and says, “I told him he has the green light.  It’s up to you now.”  Great.  No.  Really.  Thanks.

Suddenly everything got really awkward.  And by “awkward” I mean that he avoided us like the plague for the rest of the night.  This is totally the opposite of how he acted when Georgia and I were there on Thursday night.  He pretty much stayed with us the whole night and poured booze down our throats.  And he told us where he was going to be on Sunday and would we go?  And don’t leave because some chick inside was hitting on him, and blah, blah, etc. blah. and have more booze.  After Mouthy Marie’s whisper, he completely went into 6th grade mode and pretended that he didn’t see us when he passed us in the hallway on the way to gym class.

So we ate some delicious food (mmm…fried rabbit and BBQ salmon) and drank some fabulous cocktails.   And we analyzed the whole scenario because we’re girls and that’s what girls do.  Then we had some proseco, and then there were more cocktails.  After all, we were all taking cabs home-this was our night to drink as much booze as possible.  Mmm…booze.

He came over at one point to tell us he was leaving but he would be back.  He came back.  We were there for hours and barely exchanged 2 words after Mouthy Marie’s departure.  I know that at least once he looked over at us because Georgia said, “He’s looking at you.”  Meanwhile, I’m feeling so freaking weird so I’m totally not looking over there because I don’t want him to see me looking because I’m 12 and we’re in the sixth grade and Mouthy Marie just passed him a note that says, “Do you like Catherinette?  Circle Yes or No” and do I really want to know what the response is so it’s just better to not look over there.  Then he left again. 

Wait, it gets even more 6th grade. 

We call our cabs.  One Date Wonder’s arrives first.  Just as Georgia and I are about to walk out the door, Curly says, “Catherinette, DSE wanted me to remind you he’s going to be doing 123 at XYZ.” Um.  Great.  Did he slip a note into my locker too?  So he won’t talk to us the whole night, but has someone remind me where he’s going to be tomorrow?  Awesome.  We really are 12.

The second I heard that, I thought to myself, “Fuck that. I’m not going.”

I did what any self respecting woman in the same situation would do.  I went.  Because I’m 12.

To be continued…