Out From Under

- they wouldn’t necessarily look like penises.

- or rabbits

- or dolphins

- or butterflies

- or men with funny hats.

- They wouldn’t necessarily be penis-sized.

- They wouldn’t be made of a material that needs a condom

- because otherwise it collects lint and gawdknowswhatelse,

- or coated with colouring that chips off. We don’t want metallic pink flakes in our pudenda, thanks.

- They wouldn’t have things danging from them. No wires to plug in,

- no straps or belts, either. (Unless you’re into that stuff, o’course.)

- They wouldn’t even need to be held in place with one hand. (I know, but while you’re dreaming, why not dream BIG?)

- They’d work while you were having partner sex. You know, so that you could enjoy penetration AND orgasm at the same time?

- And we said it alread, but here we go again: hands-free, for better partner play, because not all positions allow for him and her, or her and her, and the gadget and a hand, all at the same time…

- They could be used in the shower.

- They wouldn’t ignore the G-spot.

- They would be QUIET. Because you really don’t want your roommate, or your parents, or even your partner, sometimes, to know you’re enjoying a little solo play. And you CERTAINLY don’t want any kids in the next room to hear you.

- They would be rechargeable. No more running out of oomph 40 seconds off the finish line! No more fumbling to replace batteries in a dimly lit room, under the covers, with one hand.

- They would be discreet: not too big, easy to carry, and fit into something that doesn’t scream “SEX MACHINE!” when you want to take it with you someplace.

- Oh, and speaking of SEX MACHINE? The packaging. If women designed vibrators, it would not come in a box adorned with uber-sleazy porn queens in the throes of ruby-lipped fake orgasms. It would be something you could sneak past your mother, and wouldn’t feel embarrassed to show your Women’s Studies classmates.

In fact, it would look a whole lot like this:

Lookit that! It’s called the We-Vibe. It fits inside for the g-spot and outside for the clit AND can be worn during penetrative partner sex. It’s a hands-free unit, it’s decently powerful, rechargeable AND it’s quiet. It’s not sticky, it’s not metallic, it comes from the store in a nice white box, and when you’ve removed it from its classy packaging, it can be carried in your purse in what looks like a slightly oversized glasses case. In short, it has EVERYTHING!

It was designed by a man.

Well, I guess you can’t have everything…

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 18th, 2008 at 1:41 pm and is filed under the solution is in your hands. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.