Questions, questions
Cats: Ilona's Take|A wife discovers her husband masturbating. She:
1. Backs out and shuts the door, giving him privacy to finish.
2. Offers to help him out.
3. Stays to watch.
I can think of any numbers of endings to that sentence — Hands him a towel so he doesn’t mess up the new duvet; does a striptease from across the room; joins him for some his’n'hers solo play — but one I’d never considered was
4. Freak out.
It seems there are women out there who would. It’s hard to believe, I know, but apparently, they exist.
A woman asks her husband how he’s managing their sexual dry spell. He tells her he’s masturbating. She freaks out.
Why do women ask these questions?
Think of a question. Think of the three most likely answers. If you can’t handle them all, DON’T ASK.
What were the three most likely answers to that particular question?
1. I’m masturbating…
and.. um…
2. I’m masturbating.
3. I’m masturbating.
What are his other options? “Doing without” isn’t going to be very appealing to the average guy (and why should it?), and his wife is going to like “doing it with someone else” even less.
Apparently, most married women (55%) do not masturbate, or not much. Most men do, a solid 85%. So men mess around with themselves more than women, on average.
Is this really a surprise?
Meh. I have trouble believing the women cited in that article are anything other than figments of a writer’s imagination, or an urban myth about a friend-of-a-friend’s cousin’s wife, chosen just to make a certain point. No one’s that stupid.
But still, with that possibility in the air, when a fellow hears that question: “So, honey, how are you managing during this little dry spell we’ve been having?”, he can’t be blamed if he treats it like the notorious “Does this make my butt look big?” question.
His options are:
1. Lie (No! I’m waiting for YOU, darling!)
2. Fudge (Maybe once in a while, while I’m thinking of you.)
3. Waffle (Why, dearest? What makes you ask?)
All in the interests of marital harmony, of course…
