Out From Under

There are rules, you know. There are always rules. You’re in a traditional marriage, there are rules: sexual exclusivity, respect, who takes the garbage out. You’re in a non-traditional one, there are still rules.

In fact, maybe there are more. At any rate, if you’re smart they’ll be more explicit. My friend and her husband are smart. They have some ground rules for their not-quite-traditional arrangement. Here’s what you can do, here’s what you can’t.

Communication is key. A, B, and semi-kinky Q are all allowed, but if/when one decides to trot off in that direction, the trotter has to let the other one know. Not privacy-violating details about who’s doing exactly what to whom, just that it’s happening.

So when my friend discovered that her husband had stepped outside this fundamental ground rule, she was understandably upset. And pissed off. And seriously considering bailing on the whole arrangement which had, over the years, been more her husband’s baby than hers, anyway.

He was promising it was a one-off. Everyone’s allowed one slip-up, right? And, after all, it’s not like there was nothing in the arrangement for her… But how did she know it was a one-off? How do you regain trust, when the other person’s word is all you have to go on, and now the other person’s word is suspect?

What to do?

Well, what any pissed off — but still curious — woman would do, of course. She created a fake persona on a site her husband played on, and approached him, incognito.

ENTRAPMENT! Well, maybe. Or perhaps simply fact-checking. Put it through whatever moral sieve you like, that’s what she did.

And in fact, he didn’t do too badly. If this was a test, he got… oh, about a B+.

So that’s good, right? The marriage hit a hurdle, there was some pain and suffering, a few psychic bumps, but in the end, it was all good. Life proceeded. Husband and wife continued to work through the repercussions, but the marriage remained sound, and the “arrangement”? It was getting revamped, possibly thrown out, because the wife, she just didn’t really see what she was getting out of it … besides anxiety.

They both forgot about her fake persona.

Until someone on the site pinged her.

Someone very, very appealing. Physically appealing, conversationally appealing. Similar education, attitudes and interests — both inside and outside the bedroom. And attractive? She got weak in the knees just gazing upon the image on her screen, and apparently her picture provoked the same effects on his knees. And different efects on other parts.

And suddenly, the “arrangement” began to seem a lot more appealing. Shared experience is so important in a marriage, don’t you agree? They’re still tweaking it, but the arrangement will probably remain a part of their marriage.

And of course she told her husband. Because rules are rules, you know.

This entry was posted on Monday, August 18th, 2008 at 10:49 am and is filed under Ilona's Take. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.