Faking it
Cats: Ilona's Take, because sex is pretty funny, the solution is in your hands|
Meg fakes it
Why do so many women fake orgasm?
Most of us have faked it, at least once. (At least, straight women have. I’m kind of working on the assumption that lesbians don’t, or with way reduced frequency… but if I’m wrong, feel free to correct me!) Once and a while, you’ll have your reasons, and no harm done, most likely. As a way of life? Not so smart.
But why do so many women fake it? It’s not because men can’t. Sure they can could… ’specially if he’s wearing a condom (he is wearing a condom, right?), so the evidence (or lack of) is contained.
Men could. But they don’t. Or — astonishing possibility! — they’re doing it so very well that no one knows about it!
… and keeping it a complete and utter secret?
Nah.
Reasons why a woman might fake it:
1. You’re tired.
Stacey Ballis expresses it so very, very well in her book “Inappropriate Men“.
“…[A] smart girl takes her new lover to the bedroom with romance in her heart, but realism on her mind. We expect to have fun. We expect to see some potential. We do not expect to achieve orgasm, nor do we plan to fake it unless our compatriot is of the single-minded-no-one-sleeps-until-everyone-comes- really-I-can-do-this sort, in which case we play Meg Ryan so that we can get some rest…”
2. You hate to disappoint. Thus ensuring that the only person who is disappointed is you. Ahem.
3. You’ve given up. Some years ago, I pounded the mattress with my fists and bellowed in frustration. “Agh! It’s just not happening!” He looked at me, “Yeah, I’ve noticed that. What’s wrong with you lately?”
No, we are not still together.
4. You have a deadline. Somewhere to be, something to do… Busy, busy, busy.
5. He’ll get pissy if you don’t. And don’t be telling him how to help you get there, either. The ego can’t take that. (Move on, woman! Move on!)
6. Your roommate’s in the next room, and you want to make him/her jealous. “I have a sex life and yoooou don’t…”
7. Because so many men fake foreplay.
How about you? Care to make any additions to the list? (Hypothetical, of course.)
August 3rd, 2008 at 12:39 pm
Sorry, but I just had to LOL when I got to #7. It’s funny because it’s all too often true…Bummer.
August 3rd, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Hmmm, maybe I’m lucky…Hubby doesn’t fake foreplay or any kind of play.
But as to why a woman might fake an orgasm…
You don’t respect him enough to conjure the real thing.
Which of course leads to the inevitable question, “If I don’t respect him enough to have a real orgasm…how much do I respect myself when willing to get naked with him and ‘pretend’ to make love?”
Just glad that I’m in a stable enough marriage that if “it just isn’t happening” no one is blamed and no one feels at fault.
We can always try again tomorrow.
August 3rd, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Florinda - Don’t apologize! I was hoping someone would find it funny!
Zayna - You’ve blind-sided me. I’ve never once considered the female orgasm as a sign of respect for the male. If I don’t have an orgasm, I’m failing him? I don’t care enough? I can’t accept this.
We are each ultimately responsible for our own pleasure. If I’m not getting satisfaction, it’s up to me to open my mouth and tell him what I need. If he won’t accept this respectfully and responds with hostility or defensiveness instead of supportively, then I should find a partner who will listen and love.
But I don’t *owe* him my orgasm if I respect him, any more than he owes me his.
August 4th, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Hmmm, I think you misunderstood.
I was certainly not implying that a woman “owes” a man an orgasm…I was talking about not conjuring one up naturally due to lack of respect for your partner and not willing to fight about it, as a reason a woman might fake one.
For me personally, before I was married, I faked more than my share of orgasms simply because I knew it was easier than explaining why I couldn’t have one naturally.
Now that I look back, why I was bothering to have sex at that point is beyond me.
But no, I do not believe at all the we “owe” our partners anything when it comes to intimacy. It is an experience to be shared and enjoyed for the journey, not the outcome.
I knew I had written that badly. I hope this clears it up.
August 4th, 2008 at 5:39 pm
“It is an experience to be shared and enjoyed for the hournet, not the outcome.” Now *that* feels right to me!
If you can’t/won’t/are afraid to communicate these things to your partner, no, you shouldn’t be having sex with him/her. While mind-bogglingly obvious, so many of us proceed into “intimacy” without that level of openness. I’ve done it, you’ve done it, so many have done it. It’s bizarre, really.
August 5th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
#7 is hilarious!!
September 8th, 2008 at 1:58 pm
[...] there is no fudging for them. Women can fake it. Men? It’s either up, or it’s not. There is no faking that. There is a middle [...]