Out From Under

Vibrators are IN. Every savvy, independent modern woman has one or several, and sees no reason to hide that fact. Which is a good thing.

Though they’re a trendy sign of free, self-determined and autonomous female sexuality, vibrators and their ilk are nothing new. Back in the Victorian era, doctors would routinely bring women to “hysterical paroxisms”, manually. This was not sexual, you understand; this was simply a (frequently tediously lengthy) procedure required to release the weaker sex’s innate hysteria, before it … well, I don’t know, really. Something bad would happen.

You can understand where all this hysteria-releasing could get boring for the good doctors, so they began to get innovative. How to manage this with less fuss? The first mechanical vibrators date from the late 1800’s, but those monsters were huge, strictly for the doctor’s office.

Hamilton Beach patented a home-use vibrator in 1902, only the fifth electrical appliance for home use. Smaller vibes for home use didn’t appear widely until the 1920s, but Sears, that seething pool of cutting-edge sexuality, marketed a home model hysteria-releaser massager through their 1918 catalogue. Of course, most people knew what they were really for. They just didn’t come right out and say so.

My first vibe was a gift. He went for one of these, because hey, he’s a guy, and for guys and gadgets, more is better. We had a lot of fun with it together. I had even more on my own. When that relationship ended, I tossed the toy. I was angry and defiant. Such a jerk. Who needed him? Who needed his stupid toy? Which, I decided about three weeks later, had been a rather short-sighted reaction.

I still like the dual, when I want to get there in, oh, 27 seconds, but though I loved it twenty years ago, these days I mostly find it too powerful.

After that relationship, I spent a few years exploring my options (human and toy, but today I’m talking toys) and have come down to two favourites.

This:

Aka the “mini smoothie“, this little guy (gal) is a sleek four inches/10 cm long and an inch/2.5 cm in diameter, making that picture pretty much life size. I used to carry one of these in my purse. Not that I ever whipped it out for a quickie in the ladies’ room. It just amused me to know it was in there. A constant mental buzz.

And this one:

Even smaller than the first, it fits over the fingertip. Many women find it not quite powerful enough to ‘get them there’, but even so, it’s a great addition to partner sex. I owned the thing for some months and no, it wouldn’t push me over the top, not anytime soon, at any rate. If speed is what you’re after, I figured, this is not your toy. Then I changed the battery.

Good lord.

Once I’d detached my nails from the ceiling, I made a mental note: if a toy comes with batteries, always put in fresh ones. Because you just never know.

How about you? Do you have any bedside friends? Which are your favourites?

This entry was posted on Monday, March 10th, 2008 at 6:47 am and is filed under the solution is in your hands. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.