Pass the sex, honey
Cats: because sex is pretty funny|She’d been single for a couple of months. The air in the kitchen was thick with words and laughter as we prepared dinner. She paused in mid-sentence, and considered the carrot she was peeling for our salad.
“You know you’ve been single too long when a carrot makes you horny.”
You sure do — wholesome, bland, baby’s-first-food carrots? Which led to a raucous reconsideration of the elements of our meal. Two straight women, we tended to note the phallic. Oh, those hearty cucumbers, those poor flaccid asparagus stalks!
Others notice different things. Casanova, never a man to do things by halves, was reputed to breakfast on 50 oysters. Oysters, of course, looking deliciously like femalia. What of luscious strawberries and raspberries, fruit nipples to decorate your lover’s own, nibbled delicately off, or fed to each other from sweetsticky fingertips? And earthy-musky truffles, the scent of your lover on your plate? (Feeling the effects yet?)
The list of traditional aphrodisiacs is long. Chocolate, almonds, arugula, bananas, coffee, coriander, fennel seeds, honey, licquorice, pine nuts, truffles…
Oh, and how about figs? A book I once read noted that “Mother Nature must have had Father Nature in mind when she invented figs.” Fresh and entire, they look like testicles. Open, they are reminiscent of the female. Then there are avocados, which the Aztecs called ahuacuatl: “testicle trees”.
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People come up with ’scientific’ reasons that this or that substance could be considered an aphrodisiac — happy-making seratonin, sperm-producing zinc, certain vitamins or enzymes — but even inarguably potent chemicals such as Viagra aren’t aphrodisiacs. Viagra make sex mechanically possible; it doesn’t make you want to do it. Desire precedes usage.
The bottom line? Aphrodisiacs are nowhere and everywhere. You’re not interested in sex, no amount of chocolate or coriander or almonds is going to make you want it; you are interested in sex, and anything and everything can make you eager; the whole world is rich with erotic significance. Aphrodisiacs, in short, are nowhere except in that most important of sex organs: your brain.
Care for some salad?
March 3rd, 2008 at 12:28 pm
My in-laws grow avocados. When I visited their grove for the first time, I learned about that nickname.
The last sentence of your post is utterly true. It all comes from your perspective at a given time. And truthfully, sometimes my perspective is that of a twelve-year-old, particularly where zucchini is concerned…