Out From Under

Got a guy in your life? I’ve found him the perfect Valentine gift. It will have him puffed up with pride, assured that you share his priorities, that you’re totally in synch about what’s really important, that you admire every aspect of his manliness.

Every aspect, every bulging vein, every wrinkle, every pulse …

Introducing “Clone-a-Willy“.

Yes, indeedy. He can make a life-size replica of the man downstairs — every wrinkle, ridge and vein present in their virtual glory for your entertainment, mutual and solo. You can even have a little vibrating unit put in, for that extra (and effective) buzz.

Comes in two skin tones:

And oh! So lifelike!

If you’re stuck with a selfish, insecure jerk man who’s never wanted to include an extra dick in your play — even a metallic blue buzzing one purchased from the local sex shop — this might be the one dildo he’ll welcome into the bedroom.

“Look, honey! It’s no threat! It’s YOU! Because I just can’t get enough … Of YOU, dear. YOU. ” (After all, it is all about YOU, dear, right?)

I’m not so sure about the glow-in-the-dark model. For some reason, the idea of shoving something phosphorescent into my innermost reaches makes me a little queasy. That eerie green glow is too suspiciously chemical to be erotic. But that’s me. Maybe it totally floats your boat. If so, you glow, girl!

I’m wondering if the soap model mightn’t give him the same sense of unease. It could be a little unnerving to see your manly bits slowly dissolving away into a mushy, ineffective mess … and vanishing down the drain …

But slippery, slithery, silken soap suds and sex? I suppose there are compensations …

And this last one? I’m not quite sure why a man would choose to make one of these, but if he does, I’m thinking this is the one to save for after the break-up.

There’d be a certain savage satisfaction to setting his pride and joy alight and watching it slowly, sloooowly burn away.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 11th, 2008 at 6:12 am and is filed under because sex is pretty funny, the solution is in your hands. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.