I am woman!Stuff me with coins and lip balm!
Cats: Ilona's Take, the change it is a-comin'|I believe we have to become less squeamish. I believe we need to enjoy our sexuality, not in some macho “lookit how sexy I am”, notches-on-the-bedpost way, but a simple, contented, strong and confident resting in our femalehood. I believe we should take satisfaction in our bodies, no matter what their size, shape and idiosyncracies — all of our bodies, including the shadowed bits “down there”.
I’ve written before about my preference for the word ‘vulva’ over ‘vagina’ as the all-purpose label for female genitalia. I regret that it is used so rarely, and with such reluctance. I would like to see it become mainstream, become the term nice mommies teach their daughters. It’s less clinical and specific than ‘vagina’, less aggressive than ‘cunt’, more accurate than all manner of colloquialisms. An rich word, a gentle word, a womanly word.
With those ideas as my mental backdrop, I am in complete support of those who aim to popularize the term, to increase comfort and decrease shame. One such site ran “Vulva Liberation Week” for a couple of years. Now, I’m not entirely sure I need my vulva to be “liberated”, frankly. I rather like its current status: my private property, to be disposed as I see fit. (Which attitude probably suggests that my vulva is, indeed, liberated.) Regardless of semantics, I appreciate and support the concept behind the slogan.
And to this end of increasing comfort and decreasing shame, one site has provided a pattern with which a woman can make a soft and cuddly model of the vulva, a “lucky vulva change purse”, complete with little bead (or bell) for clitoris.
One might wonder how stuffing one’s vulva with coins and lip balm, and then sealing it shut with a zipper, liberates it. One might. But beyond that, another more cogent concern springs to mind.
Let us step back a bit and consider this with some degree of ideological objectivity, shall we? Let us imagine a man doing the same. Let’s say he made himself a stiff and manly leather replica of his penis in which to carry his … screwdrivers, with a couple of round compartment in behind for his nuts and bolts. What would we say when he hauled this thing out to tighten the knob on the kitchen cupboard?
Surely we’d mock him. For his obsession, his self-absorption, his male arrogance, and probably, the insecurity that we’d figure drove him to this foolish self-aggrandizement.
And I think we’d be right.
So, as we seek to assert our right to our female-ness? Be strong, be confident, be proud. But don’t be silly.
February 1st, 2008 at 8:47 pm
I’m teaching my daughter the word ‘vulva’. But even though she sometimes substitutes the word ‘pocket’ - prompting many jokes in our household about pocket change - I won’t be buying her a vulva change purse.
February 2nd, 2008 at 5:44 am
Pocket! I love it. What a good choice - smart girl, your daughter.
February 2nd, 2008 at 11:58 am
Even more concerning to me is: What if a man wanted to start carrying around a vulva containing cash and lipbalm (or, say, condoms), which he could zip and unzip according to HIS needs?
How liberated would the vulva be then?
Wouldn’t that then be much like the already-disdained-by-many sex act, in which women are *always* taken advantage of, penetrated, stuffed, by men? What about marriage, which has widely been regarded as a form of prostitution?
When we are reductive with the vulva, particularly consigning it to being a money-holder, we are not liberating it. We are subscribing to patriarchal values that say that the vulva is more important than the woman– but only in a very utilitarian sense, and only as long as it is willing to serve that purpose.
February 2nd, 2008 at 12:13 pm
I taught my daughter vulva. Her former preschool teacher tried to “correct” her and told her, “No, that’s your vagina.” No it’s not you twit. She wasn’t pointing to her vagina.
The vulva clutch is so unnecessary.
February 3rd, 2008 at 8:48 pm
Okay, THAT is funny. I want one. I would carry it to my sex-ed classes, and see how many students could correctly identify it. Hee hee!
February 4th, 2008 at 5:52 am
Jen - Once again, you step right outside the paradigm I’ve presented, and view the information with a totally different slant than the one I’d considered. Never for a moment had I thought of a man handling one of these things. What a fascinating, and somewhat disturbing, point. Huh.
As a heterosexual woman with a fulfilling sex life, I have never ascribed to the notion that all male-female sex is rape. Obviously. Shouldn’t be too surprising to know I’m offended by it.
But the idea that being reductive is the antithesis of liberation is a fascinating point. Thanks for sharing it.
Laura - “No it’s not, you twit,” made me laugh out loud. But did you say that out loud? Time for a little sex ed for the preschool teacher, I’m thinking.
Tammy - Well, there you go. You’ve come up with the only sensible use for that thing that seems possible. I’d be curious, too. Moreover, I’d like to know how many of them, after they figured out what it was, went “eeww.” ‘Course, these are teens. They’d probably do that with a model penis, too…