The same, but different
Cats: Ilona's Take|Some while back I read a discussion of a study which had investigated and compared the sexual patterns of American vs. western European women. (Sadly, that’s all the detail I can recall; I’ve tried to find the study with no success. So you’re relying on my memory here, you poor things.)
What I do remember is this: when comparing women with multiple sexual partners, it discovered/concluded that American women who engage in this activity have low self-esteem; European women with multiple partners have high self-esteem.
Now that’s very interesting. Same behavior, different motivation.
What are the implications? One group is indulging in lots of sex with lots of people out of feelings of need, weakness, inadequacy. One group does it from a position of strength. One group is seeking validation; the other is seeking — fun? mutual gratification?
Which group will likely take better care of their physical and emotional health? Which group will insist on safe sex and respect? Which group will just walk away if a partner is treating them badly? Which group will compromise their integrity, accept shoddy treatment, take greater risks?
Bottom line: for one group, the behavior is mentally healthy; for one it’s self-destructive.
Why would the two groups act on their levels of self-esteem in such dramatically opposing ways?
Because on our side of the pond, we see sex as suspect, perhaps? Everyone’s supposed to be sexy, feel sexy, look sexy, to be ready for it at any moment — but sex is bad, corrupting, dirty. Elsewhere, sex, when experienced with consenting parties, is simply something normal, healthy, and fun, maybe? Without all the negative baggage?
I don’t know. It’s all speculation — but it’s interesting. Damn. Sure wish I could find that article!
January 11th, 2008 at 12:30 pm
Hi Ilona,
What an interesting outcome. I’m a Dutch expat and am constantly aware of the differences between our cultures. Speaking off low self esteem and sexual behaviours; some time ago, while zapping through the channels I checked ‘the bad girls club’. A funny thing on it’s own; what a media exposure for girls behaving badly! There is a girl on this show that, from having multiple sexual partners, ended up as a prositute. She had very low self esteem and the girls on the show were badgering her constantly….she explained her choices: in sex; “these men adore me and look up to me, they don’t judge me for what I’m not, they appreciate what I have to offer” so validating her person, her right to be seen. I found a study on sexual behaviour in teens that showed quite shocking figures; http://www.advocatesforyouth.org/PUBLICATIONS/factsheet/fsest.htm
I encouter people on a daily basis that will make comments when I tell them that I’m Dutch; aha, The Netherlands, the lenient country…that’s absolutely true but as the figures show it doesn’t work out the way people here are expecting it to. People are lenient, but offer a lot of guidance, openess and and try to raise their kids to be responsible adults also in the subjects that are hard to tackle; “sex n’ drugs n’ rock ‘n roll”. I love to be in the States and to be honest like these discussions a lot, it makes you aware of things you are normally not even giving a second thought. Live and learn from each other…Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Nicoline