Getting to First Base

I’m not, by any means, a sports expert. I spend as close to 24 hours as I can every day thinking about/reading about/studying/watching baseball, but NO. I am NOT any kind of expert. I’m just a fan with a mild case of Nerditis and a couple of blogs. That no more makes me an expert than any other fan, or most other baseball writers. Joe Posnanski wrote a while ago about how silly it is that he has to pick NFL outcomes and scores every week. People think he’s got some kind of magical insight that average fans can’t have, an 8-ball of stats and scores that only sportswriters are able to see.

People make that assumption about me, too, though probably to a lesser extent. In one of my classes, we spend a while every week talking about current events, including sports stories. The teacher always  - ALWAYS - calls on me, out of a class of around 50 kids, to detail the week’s sports stories. I’m a sports writer, she reasons, so I must know what’s up. And yeah, usually I do know what has happened in major sports; I’d be out of work in a hurry if I didn’t.

But please don’t come to me looking for future outcomes. (more…)

Something about me you might not know, unless you are my mom, is that I like to sing. So every Thursday, shortly after The Office ends, I head over to my campus church to sing in its choir. Tonight wasn’t any different than last Thursday, or the one before that, or the one before that.

I watched as much baseball as I could before I left, but honestly I had lost hope for the Red Sox. I mean, they were down 3 games to 1 and it looked like Tampa Bay had a pretty tight grip on Game 5 and therefore the AL penant. It was 5-0 Rays, the Sawx bats looked beleaguered and completely ineffective, and I thought I’d spare myself the torture of watching them get spanked - again - and just leave for choir.

So I missed all the good stuff, up until Kevin Youkilis was up to bat for Boston in the bottom of the 9th. It was 7-0, Tampa Bay at one point?? Are you kidding me?? And…those sleepy Boston bats woke up, all at the same time? WHAT?!?!?!? One of the greatest single-game comebacks in MLB playoff history…and I wasn’t there. (more…)

Cubs fans aren’t taking their team’s exit from the playoffs very well, but here’s some good news: If you’re a Marlins fan, you can pay off this guy and double your team’s fan base!

Here’s what’s up with baseball, in case you haven’t followed. Today is an off-day, so it’s a good chance to catch up.

American League:

Both AL divisional series were wrapped up on Monday. The Tampa Bay Rays finished off the Chicago White Sox in Chicago. I am happy for the Rays, but it always makes me a little sad when a team doesn’t get to celebrate important victories in front of their home fans. I also think I want to be a part of one of those champagne celebrations someday, but I’ll probably change my mind as soon as I’m actually in that situation. It would take a lot of showers to get all the champagne out of my hair, no?

Later Monday night, the Red Sox beat the Angels 3-2 with a walkoff single in the 9th. I watched that game at a Buffalo Wild Wings with two very intense, very nervous Boston fans. When the Angels tied the game with a 2-run hit in the 8th, I heard more f-bombs in a 30-second timespan than I ever have before. It was intense, and rather awkward to be around, becuase I like the Red Sox, but I’m not a FAN, so I didn’t feel as awful when the 2-0 lead was blown.  Anyway, it turned out well for the Sawx and their fans.

What’s next: The American League takes an extra day off while the NLCS Game 1 is being played, but play will resume at Tampa Bay on Friday night.  The Red Sox will send Dice-K Matsuzaka to the mound to face the Rays’ James Shields.

Keep an eye on: The crowd. It has been historically difficult to draw fans to Tropicana Field, even this year while the Rays were in 1st place for most of the season. Word is that the crowd could have as many Red Sox fans as it does Rays ones, taking away any home field advantage that St. Pete might have had.

National League:

Cubs fans are selling their loyalty because the Northsiders are finished, again. That makes 100 years without at World Series wins, and a lot of sad folks in blue over the weekend. They fell to the Dodgers after looking helpless for all three games of that series - the Cubs never scored more than three in one game. My very first MLB game was a Cubbies game, so I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart for them. But I’m pretty pleased for the Dodgers for a couple of reasons: Joe Torre gets to stick his tongue out at the Yankees and enjoy the postseason while his former employers watch from home; and one of my favorite people in all of baseball is former Royals shortstop Angel Berroa. I’m pleased that he gets to be a part of the postseason; it’s such a stark contrast from being stuck in the minor leagues (which is how I met him) for the last two seasons.

The Brewers did manage one win against Philiadelphia, but the Phils recovered to knock the Brewers out on Sunday.

What’s next: Tomorrow night, it will be a matchup of Cole Hamels vs. Derek Lowe. Hamels pitched brilliantly in his last game a week ago, and Lowe wasn’t bad either in his win over Chicago.

Keep an eye on: Home field advantage. mlb.com seems to think the Phils are a lock in this series because of the distinct difference between Citizens Bank Park in Philly and Dodger Stadium. Will it matter as much as it seemed to during the regular season?

Bonus material: Lots of Cole Hamels, if you please.

Typically, I don’t love when baseball players celebrate a home run before the ball leaves the yard. It seems so egotistical; often, it looks as if the player is saying “Hey everyone! Look at how great I am! Worship me!”

But Alexei Ramirez flinging his arms in the air in jubilation after he hit a no-doubt grand slam last night…I can’t have a problem with that.

Photo here, video here. Alexei Ramirez wasn’t showboating; he was releasing the sheer unfettered joy that baseball brings. In that moment, the 26-year-old rookie became a little boy who is PUMPED to be where he is. Even this White Sox hater was super-excited for him.

This home run forced a Game 163, which will decide whether the White Sox or the Twins will represent the American League Central in the MLB postseason. It will be televised tonight on TBS at 6:30. I’m pumped, even though neither of these teams is “my” team; last year showed how utterly thrilling a one-game play-in like this can be, and if tonight is half as theatrical as that Rockies-Padres play-in last year, it will be a great night.

I know… I think and write a lot about what it means to be a sports fan. Why be a Royals fan? Why keep rooting for any team? Why not just watch a sport and enjoy it all? I could do this all day.

Anyway,  I didn’t wake up this morning with the intention of writing about any of that. But then I read an anonymous comment on the brilliant blog of Rany Jazayerli, and I’m just…dumbstruck. I’ll ignore all the grammar for now, and just give you this nugget in all its glory:

OMG — too much obsessed about the Royals Doc. Root for the Rays, who are well past the Royals in terms of even worse stadium and small market baseball but who are much, more exciting that writing pages about mediocre players. I would love to have a fan of your obsessiveness talking Raysball.

It’s a uniform doc. It’s a uniform. ROOT for a concept. If KC was doing well I would root for them because they represent a need of winning that makes baseball a truly nation-wide league in place of a lots of big market, cable-network associated teams usually winning.

AHHHHHH, DUMB OVERLOAD! Let’s break this down, bit by bit (Fire Joe Morgan style). Anonymous’ stuff is in bold, my insanity is not.

OMG — too much obsessed about the Royals Doc.

Bah. If it’s OK for Fan A to be obsessed with one team, it should be OK for Fan B to be obsessed with another. That’s why we have different teams and not one, big, intrasquad scrimmage every day, right? Whatever.

Root for the Rays,

Don’t tell Rany what to do! He’s a grown man who can make his own rooting choices, thankyouverymuch.

who are well past the Royals in terms of even worse stadium and small market baseball but who are much, more exciting that writing pages about mediocre players.

True, the Rays are exciting this year. But Rany is a Royals fan; says so right in his blog’s profile. Yes, the Rays play in a stupid dome. Yes, they are a small market. Yes, Rany writes a LOT about mediocre players (the Royals). But why did “anonymous” even bother with the post in the first place? Rany’s writing is awesome, but it’s pretty numbers-heavy (he’s among the founding fathers of Baseball Prospectus, so…yeah. Numbers.) so it might scare away people who don’t care THAT much about the Royals. Not our brave little Anonymous. He soldiered right on through all those pages.

I would love to have a fan of your obsessiveness talking Raysball.

It’s hardly Rany’s fault that, inexplicably, nobody cares about the Rays, who are an exciting team about to play October baseball for the first time. If people don’t care yet, they might never care.

It’s a uniform doc. It’s a uniform.

I don’t like the condescending use of “doc” at all. Yes, Jazayerli is a doctor. But to repeatedly sling “doc” at him like that is just kind of jerk-esque. That’s beside the point completely though. It is NOT just a uniform. It’s a city, a tradition, old greats and new prospects. It’s developing irrational fan-love for little-known players and following them in good times and in bad. It’s being able to say “I suffered through those awful seasons” while you brush confetti out of your hair after you finally get to attend your team’s World Series parade.

ROOT for a concept. If KC was doing well I would root for them because they represent a need of winning that makes baseball a truly nation-wide league in place of a lots of big market, cable-network associated teams usually winning.

Go ahead and call it a concept if it makes you feel smarter, anonymous friend, but what you’ve described just now is called a BANDWAGON. And Royals fans, or any kind of respectable fans, only ever go near bandwagons to slash the tires.

You go ahead and root for your beloved concept; I (and Rany, and like 16 other people) will continue to root for, and write about, our TEAM.

I just got off the phone with a customer service representative from mlb.com who probably hates his job, and his life, right now. A friend texted me this morning to remind me that there are TWENTY Major League Baseball games today, because of a number of double-headers (including my Royals). I’ve written here before about how much I despise the site’s blackout policy, but I went against my better judgment today and bought a one-day subscription. I mean, twenty baseball games on the computer, with college football all day on the TV…that sounds like heaven to me.

I was pretty mad when I wrote the first post. But that was when I didn’t get to watch games as part of a free trial. Today, I paid to watch games that are not being televised. And I’ve never been angry enough to actually swear at the customer service rep; usually I think I’m mad, but by the time I get through to a person I’ve cooled down and I can’t bring myself to take out my ire on a person.

So here’s the situation today: It’s Saturday, so college football is king on TV. None of the 20 MLB games are on TV because of all the football. I guess that’s fine, but I’d really like to watch some baseball. HOWEVER, pretty much all the baseball games this afternoon are blacked out because the TV networks have the rights to televise them. But, you all are a smart bunch; I think you have already picked up on the fact that no TV networks are exercising their rights to broadcast baseball. It’s a football day.

So what the hell was the point of me paying anything to watch games that aren’t on?? I tried logic with this rep. I didn’t just ask what the blackout policy was; I already knew of their money-grubbing ways (born, no doubt, from being tucked so far in bed with TV networks that neither will ever come out from other the covers). I just wanted to know WHY.

Me: Yes, I understand that the TV networks have the rights to broadcast baseball games today. But none of them are exercising that right!

Rep: Yes.

Me: So…they get money from their advertisers for having those exclusive rights while they also make bank by showing football games instead. And you get money from mlb.tv subscribers, whether or not they can watch the games. Is there any way for the customers to win here?

Rep: …

Me: What the [beefy] is the point? Why did I buy a subscription for 20 [beefy] games I can’t even watch?

Rep: The policy says that — well you can listen to the games that are blacked out. There is no blackout policy for audio feeds.

Me: I already have an audio subscription. I don’t want to listen*; I WANT TO [beefy] WATCH.

Rep, showing that he’s never been a sports fan in his life: You can watch games 45 minutes after their conclusion.

Me: …

Rep: It’s not our policy; it’s the TV networks’.

Then the rep hit me with this gem:

Rep: Did you check the blackout policy for your ZIP code before you signed up? You should have checked that fir–

Me: So it’s either the TV networks’ fault or it’s MINE? And you are blameless. Really? Do you know ANYTHING about dealing with customers? I want my [beefy] money back.

Rep: I can’t do that, because you didn’t check the blackout policy.

Me: [beefy] [beefy] [beefy] [beefy]?!?!? You’re not helpful at all. Your greed-driven industry makes me want to [beefy] some [beefy] up. Have a nice [beefy] day.

[hangs up]

*I already have an audio account anyway. If I just wanted to listen, I would have done it with that account.

At one point I mentioned that someone I know got a blackout-free account because he was using his considerable media exposure to talk about what crap the blackout policy is. When I brought this up, the rep put me on hold (for the first and only time in the call, oddly enough), but then came back and denied to within an inch of his life that such an account can exist. (But I just confirmed it with the guy I know who has it - it definitely exists.)

Games that are being played right now:

KC @ CLE (double-header)

ATL @ NYM

DET @ CWS

MIN @ BAL

Games on that list I can watch on mlb.tv (the rest are blacked out due to TV restrictions)

MIN @ BAL

Games that are actually on TV

….none.

I’m not trying to dissuade anyone from subscribing to mlb.tv. I’m just saying…well, you don’t exactly get what’s promised to you. And if you’re not satisfied with your subscription purchase, it is your fault.

“I wrote this song about you/
I wrote this song about you/

Just to let you know that I hate your guts/

And I think you suck.” -Reel Big Fish, with the most useful song lyric EVER

Dear MLB.tv,
It’s lovely that you and Fruit of the Loom wanted to give me a 5-day risk-free trial. Really. Very nice. But I’m a Royals fan, and my credit card is billed to a ZIP code in Nebraska, so your blackout policy dictates that I will never, EVER be able to watch a game that my team plays. EVER.

Coincidentally, your blackout policy dictates that I will never, EVER spend my hard-earned money on your “service”. The policy extends beyond greed and into complete and utter ridiculousness. My ZIP code is in western Nebraska; it really wouldn’t decrease ticket sales at this afternoon’s game. I’m not going to get in my car and drive from the southwest corner of Nebraska* to Chicago for one ballgame.

*not where I live now, but it’s where I’m billed. Another beef with the website - there’s no opportunity to enter a ZIP code different from my billing location.

Unlike you, I like baseball more than I like fleecing consumers. So let me watch a ballgame. More specifically, let me watch MY TEAM’s ballgame. Believe it or not, I want to watch the Royals even if I feel like they’ll never win another game. I don’t want the Giants/Astros game, nor the Tigers and Blue Jays, and especially not the Rockies and Diamondbacks. Please, please don’t make me watch an NL West* game. I’d rather die.

Spitefully yours,

Minda

*WORST. DIVISION. EVER! The NL West is led by the Arizona Diamondbacks and Los Angeles Dodgers, who are only 2 games over .500. How can two teams be that mediocore and still be in first place? What a joke. This is coming from a Royals fan, no less; it’s pretty bad when even I can talk smack about someone else in baseball. If the Royals were plunked down in the NL West right now, they’d be in 3rd. But I’d bet that if they got to play all season in that farce of a Major League Baseball division, they’d run away with 1st…if even the worst of the American League got to play in the NL West for a while, they’d clean up.Exept the Mariners. They’d still be awful.

I have the weirdest dreams sometimes. This morning, I had one in which I heard a rumor that Royals pitcher Gil Meche was developing a heroin problem. I decided that I was the person who had to deal with this alleged problem, only I didn’t know how to get ahold of Meche to confront him about his drug use. I feverishly hunted for a phone number, an address, anything, but all I could find was more online gossip about him.

Yeah, he’s not a heroin addict. What the heck, subconscious?

Anyway, back in real life, the Royals have fallen back into last in the AL Central after a loss against Tampa Bay last night. Last night was a night of a lot of movement for the East, as Joba Chamberlain pitched a heck of a game against the Red Sox to give New York their 7th straight win, and help knock Boston out of the tie for first (with Tampa Bay). And now New York is only 3 games out of first place.

I was really hoping the Royals would make a good showing against the Rays to help Boston stay on top of the East, because I kind of like the Red Sox. They’d be my “other team” if I was able to really love more than one team in the league.

That said, I really like what the Rays have been doing this year. I’m not surprised at how many games they’ve won (they’re 60-42), because it’s always easy to see that they draft well. I’ve argued about this with one of my brothers - he has no admiration for the Rays’ turnaround because - and I’m paraphrasing here - any team could turn around in a hurry if they had the top draft choice every year.  My problem with that is that the Royals have been similarly sucky all these years, so they’ve also had the first or second pick of the draft every year. And they certainly aren’t turning around in any kind of hurry.

I’m far from losing patience or giving up on my team. I understand that the previous front office regime did a TON of damage to the minor league system, and that takes a long time to fix, and a lot more pieces are in place for an improved team than there were last year or the year before. I’m just frustrated that we haven’t been able to do in the draft what Tampa Bay has done, because we’ve focused too much on whether we’d be able to sign our draft picks, not whether they were the best guys for our team. That kind of attitude puts the organization on track for a “one step forward, two steps back” phase, but we’re finally climbing out of it. It’s just too bad the Rays climbed faster.

I could never deny that I love sports a little too much. I’m aware that the amount of time I spend on baseball every day might even be unhealthy. My moods rise and fall with the performance of my Royals, and if an important sporting event is on TV I am likely to arrange my social schedule around it. So yeah, I let sports take up a huge portion of my life, and I take responsibility for that. Really.

But there are boundaries, even for me. Via Deadspin, here’s a story about some Red Sox fans who vandalized a car and assaulted its driver, just because the car had New York tags.

How disgusting! I love a good rivalry as much as anyone. Sox/Yankees. Nebraska/Oklahoma (there’s my Husker bias!), Cubs/Cardinals, whatever. The visceral pretend-hate we get to have for fans of our rivals makes for a lot of conversational fodder, trash-talking, and some of the most hilarious bets among sports fans. It’s supposed to be fun, isn’t it? What has to happen in the mind of a fan to turn a sports rivalry into real-life hatred? Have we gone too far with sporting culture?

And I don’t understand the timing of this attack at all. The Red Sox are four games ahead of the Yanks in the standings, and neither is in first (the DEVIL Rays are). It’s not a heated, blow-for-blow battle for AL East supremacy. It’s more of a girly ticklefight for second place at this point, so I don’t understand why those Sox fans are so hateful at this moment. Yeah, the Yanks won the last two games over Boston, but Boston won the two before that. Boston fans should have bigger things to worry about, like getting the team back on track overall, because the Boston/New York rivalry isn’t as culturally significant as Dan Shaughnessy has always wanted us to believe.

And all that is also besides the point. The larger point should be that no rivalry, no matter how heated, should ever result in violence against a human being. (Yes, I’m saying Yankees fans are human beings. Go me!) No frenzied fan should ever be in such a frenzy that bashing someone’s body and car with a baseball bat seems reasonable. Baseball is important; just today, we are treated to a great sportswriter’s account of how baseball can soothe a wounded city with one game. But for pity’s sake, let’s not get carried away!

Tuesday night, Royals reliever Ramon Ramirez threw two pitches really, REALLY far inside to former teammate Yorvit Torrealba. He claims they were just regular wild pitches, not intentional brushbacks, but that didn’t stop people in Kansas City from predicting on-field fireworks in Wedneday night’s game.

I was among the people in KC during that series (a trip you can read/see more about here), and had a morbid desire for things to get ugly between the Royals and Rockies players. I have never witnessed a benches-clearing brawl, and I kind of want to. It’s not that I would enjoy seeing anyone get hurt, but it’s something I’d see later that night on SportsCenter and get to feel like I was somehow part of the story.

That got my parents and one of my uncles and I wondering which Royals players would be best in a fight. Here are my Top 5 and Bottom 5 Royals fighters.

I want these five guys on my side:

Ramon Ramirez: It was his brushback pitches that started all this talk of brawling, and it was his former team. I bet he’d take his share of the blows (and deal at least that many out) if he incited anything.

Miguel Olivo: The usually-smiley Olivo does have a history of lashing out with his fists. He plays baseball with a whole lot of intensity, and if that intensity was turned in an angry direction…watch out.

Mike Aviles: He’s from the Bronx, for pity’s sake! Mike’s a super-nice guy, but I’d bet my life savings he’d be a good fighter if a brawl broke out on the field.

Mark Grudzielanek: He’s not an outspoken guy; he’ll never fire off a clubhouse rant like teammate Jose Guillen, but he’s one my family members all called to mind. His style of play is uncompromisingly physical, and that would probably translate into a scrappy style of fighting that wouldn’t be the prettiest to behold, but would leave his opponent regretting squaring off with Grud. (Note: Ross Gload received heavy consideration for many of the same reasons, but was pared out of the final five.)

Joey Gathright: It would have been too easy to put Jose Guillen in this list, but as I looked down the roster I couldn’t help but think Gathright would be better. When he played for Omaha, I always noticed he cannot let certain things go, which usually just results in him giving teammates crap about random things for longer than most people would, but could also result in him acting on any random grudge he might have against his aggressors.

(There are others who might be just dandy in a brawl. But these are my “fave five,” as the cell phone commercials would say.)

These five might not be such great fighters:

Brian Bannister: He is my absolute favorite Royal, but I cannot for the life of me picture him fighting. I think he knows better, and would see beyond whatever stupid/petty actions sparked a brawl. He would, however, give some great interviews shedding insight on to what happened, why it happened, and how it would affect his team’s performance in future games.

Jimmy Gobble: Word on the street is that Gobble has withdrawn almost completely from public activity (fan interaction, etc.) as his contributions to the team become less and less. So showing up in the middle of a dogpile might not look too good.

David DeJesus: Again, I love the guy, but he’s just too…pretty. I’m told he spends a ton of time in front of the mirror every day (not that I blame him), which doesn’t strike me as something a “fighter” would do.

Leo Nunez: OK this choice might not even be fair, since Leo is on the disabled list. But I think no one would go after him in a brawl because he’s such a little guy, and so he’d have to instigate any one-on-one action. That would not turn out well, would it?

Mark Teahen: I can’t overstate how much I love the Royals as a collective and as individual players. I love Mark Teahen as a person, and think he’s a fine player as well. But maybe the things that make him such a likeable person are the exact things that lead me to think he wouldn’t be a good brawler. I’ll probably never find out about him or any of his teammates.

Disclaimer: I am not condoning fighting on the baseball field. I think baseball is plenty entertaining by itself, and I realize what an impact players’ actions can have on children who are watching. I only want to see a brawl because they are rare, and because I often have some stupid, boorish views about sports. I occasionally want things to get ugly, even within a sport that I generally find poetic and beautiful (despite the absolute vulgarity that populates its clubhouses). While part of me is primally attracted to the idea of seeing a benches-clearing brawl, I’m guessing that my actual reaction would have at least a little horror mixed in.