Who would you take in a fight?
Tuesday night, Royals reliever Ramon Ramirez threw two pitches really, REALLY far inside to former teammate Yorvit Torrealba. He claims they were just regular wild pitches, not intentional brushbacks, but that didn’t stop people in Kansas City from predicting on-field fireworks in Wedneday night’s game.
I was among the people in KC during that series (a trip you can read/see more about here), and had a morbid desire for things to get ugly between the Royals and Rockies players. I have never witnessed a benches-clearing brawl, and I kind of want to. It’s not that I would enjoy seeing anyone get hurt, but it’s something I’d see later that night on SportsCenter and get to feel like I was somehow part of the story.
That got my parents and one of my uncles and I wondering which Royals players would be best in a fight. Here are my Top 5 and Bottom 5 Royals fighters.
I want these five guys on my side:
Ramon Ramirez: It was his brushback pitches that started all this talk of brawling, and it was his former team. I bet he’d take his share of the blows (and deal at least that many out) if he incited anything.
Miguel Olivo: The usually-smiley Olivo does have a history of lashing out with his fists. He plays baseball with a whole lot of intensity, and if that intensity was turned in an angry direction…watch out.
Mike Aviles: He’s from the Bronx, for pity’s sake! Mike’s a super-nice guy, but I’d bet my life savings he’d be a good fighter if a brawl broke out on the field.
Mark Grudzielanek: He’s not an outspoken guy; he’ll never fire off a clubhouse rant like teammate Jose Guillen, but he’s one my family members all called to mind. His style of play is uncompromisingly physical, and that would probably translate into a scrappy style of fighting that wouldn’t be the prettiest to behold, but would leave his opponent regretting squaring off with Grud. (Note: Ross Gload received heavy consideration for many of the same reasons, but was pared out of the final five.)
Joey Gathright: It would have been too easy to put Jose Guillen in this list, but as I looked down the roster I couldn’t help but think Gathright would be better. When he played for Omaha, I always noticed he cannot let certain things go, which usually just results in him giving teammates crap about random things for longer than most people would, but could also result in him acting on any random grudge he might have against his aggressors.
(There are others who might be just dandy in a brawl. But these are my “fave five,” as the cell phone commercials would say.)
These five might not be such great fighters:
Brian Bannister: He is my absolute favorite Royal, but I cannot for the life of me picture him fighting. I think he knows better, and would see beyond whatever stupid/petty actions sparked a brawl. He would, however, give some great interviews shedding insight on to what happened, why it happened, and how it would affect his team’s performance in future games.
Jimmy Gobble: Word on the street is that Gobble has withdrawn almost completely from public activity (fan interaction, etc.) as his contributions to the team become less and less. So showing up in the middle of a dogpile might not look too good.
David DeJesus: Again, I love the guy, but he’s just too…pretty. I’m told he spends a ton of time in front of the mirror every day (not that I blame him), which doesn’t strike me as something a “fighter” would do.
Leo Nunez: OK this choice might not even be fair, since Leo is on the disabled list. But I think no one would go after him in a brawl because he’s such a little guy, and so he’d have to instigate any one-on-one action. That would not turn out well, would it?
Mark Teahen: I can’t overstate how much I love the Royals as a collective and as individual players. I love Mark Teahen as a person, and think he’s a fine player as well. But maybe the things that make him such a likeable person are the exact things that lead me to think he wouldn’t be a good brawler. I’ll probably never find out about him or any of his teammates.
Disclaimer: I am not condoning fighting on the baseball field. I think baseball is plenty entertaining by itself, and I realize what an impact players’ actions can have on children who are watching. I only want to see a brawl because they are rare, and because I often have some stupid, boorish views about sports. I occasionally want things to get ugly, even within a sport that I generally find poetic and beautiful (despite the absolute vulgarity that populates its clubhouses). While part of me is primally attracted to the idea of seeing a benches-clearing brawl, I’m guessing that my actual reaction would have at least a little horror mixed in.